We are all familiar on how Solomon, in the bible, decided on who the true mother was when two women were fighting over a baby.
Solomon Makes a Difficult Decision 1 Kings 3:16-28 Contemporary English Version
One day two women came to King Solomon, and one of them said:
Your Majesty, this woman and I live in the same house. Not long ago my baby was born at home, and three days later her baby was born. Nobody else was there with us. One night while we were all asleep, she rolled over on her baby, and he died. Then while I was still asleep, she got up and took my son out of my bed. She put him in her bed, then she put her dead baby next to me.
In the morning when I got up to feed my son, I saw that he was dead. But when I looked at him in the light, I knew he was not my son.
“No!” the other woman shouted. “He was your son. My baby is alive!”
“The dead baby is yours,” the first woman yelled. “Mine is alive!”
They argued back and forth in front of Solomon, until finally he said, “Both of you say this live baby is yours. Someone bring me a sword.” A sword was brought, and Solomon ordered, “Cut the baby in half! That way each of you can have part of him.”
“Please don’t kill my son,” the baby’s mother screamed. “Your Majesty, I love him very much, but give him to her. Just don’t kill him.”
The other woman shouted, “Go ahead and cut him in half. Then neither of us will have the baby.”
Solomon said, “Don’t kill the baby.” Then he pointed to the first woman, “She is his real mother. Give the baby to her.” Everyone in Israel was amazed when they heard how Solomon had made his decision. They realized that God had given him wisdom to judge fairly.
Let us focus on the mother who switched the babies.
Say it was not discovered that the dishonest mother was not the true mother. Now this mother would have made sure to alienate the child against the true mothers as the child grew up, keeping her secret safe. She would not have the best interest of the child, but would manipulate the child in all aspects of the child’s life. She is a dishonest person and continues to be dishonest to keep her secret hidden. She would be mentally abusing the child and alienating the child against the true mother.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is mental abuse.
Take a deeper look at mental abuse with us. An abusive parent is about controlling the children’s behavior through suggestions, word manipulation, and emotions. They play mind games and confuse the child. They will do and say the exact opposite of the protective parent who loves and cares for their children’s wellbeing and safety. They use having fun and going against the protective parents safety decisions against them.
Abusive parents will make suggestions to their children, so the child assumes certain information.
For an example, the child has old ratty shoes. The abusive parent says, “Your mom just sold the house and moved in with her boyfriend, look at your shoes.” Abusive parents will also manipulate words. The child says something to the other parent, so they do not come to pick up the children for their weekend visitation. The parent says, “Let’s go get ice cream.” Everyone gets ice cream but the child that upset the other parent and the parent did not show up to get the kids. This is the beginning of their punishment for making that happen. For example, the parent will say, “In two weeks the Jets are in town.” The parent and the child go to every Jet’s game. On the next visitation the child is excited they are going to see the Jets. The parent says, “Were not going to the Jets, I have plans for us to go to grandma’s house this weekend.” For two weeks the child has been waiting to go to the game and excited. The child sees grandma’s house is no fun and boring. They feel let down and that it was the one thing they have been looking forward to for two weeks.
King Solomon was going to split the baby in half to get to the truth of who was the real mother, but abusive parents are splitting the children’s minds in half.
Imagine ten women in the family court system gathering at a restaurant. One of the moms says, “How many of your children have ADHD?” Eight of the ten moms raise their hands. So, a mother takes this information and uses it when her children’s friends are taking medication for ADHD. She would talk to the mother and find out that the father was abusive.
Is ADHD a symptom of parental alienation syndrome and the child’s mind splitting?
On one hand you have the protective parent teaching their children right from wrong. On the other hand, you have a the abusive parent teaching the child wrong to what they want the child to see as right. The only right way is to lie, manipulate, and be dishonest. The child becomes confused and never sure just what is right and what is wrong. The protective parent sets a punishment for bad behavior and the abusive parent sets rewards for bad behavior.
Without knowing it, the child’s mind is split into two.
Never knowing what is right and what is wrong can be confusing to a child. Until the child is old enough to understand more, they learn. If the child lives with the abusive parent, they will continue the pattern into their later years and may never stop the patterns if therapy is not sought.
If the child’s mind does not split into two, their mind is tortured and they will want to commit suicide.
Children caught between these two parents and know right from wrong have a hard time living with the abusive parent. They are in such mental anguish that they want to take their own life to stop the pain and living in the hell of an abusive parent.
How do you guard children against parental alienation syndrome?
Dr Richard Gardner in 1963 did storytelling with young children around the age of four years old and was healing them from trauma. He then came up with a game he used with older children. The children would pick cards as characters and have the children tell their stories from the cards. The children would name the characters and tell their story through the characters. It is important to teach older children beginning at the tween years about manipulation through books and movies to help them understand manipulation. This way children are made aware of when they are being manipulated and PAS will not be so easy for the abusive parent to use.